In April of last year, I slapped together a spoof blog entry based on my current profession (SEO writer) and inspired by the satirical website, The Content Farm. It was titled How to Remove a Lollipop from a Crying Child’s Hair, and it was written in the spammiest, most over-the-top satirical way possible. In no way, shape or form was I trying to position myself as an authority on the topic.
Yet, in the 15 months since I posted it, by far the most common search terms that have driven Internet searchers to my blog have had something to do with lollipops stuck in the hair of some poor, unfortunate urchin.
For Pete’s sake, my blog shows up in the Page 1, No. 1 listing for the Google search term [remove lollipop in child's hair]. Yes, that’s the very definition of a “long tail” search term, but I’m Number One! Out of 50,500,000 results! Ah, the power of spammeriffic, satirical keyword stuffing.
Here are the top 10 search terms that have sent (oh, so few) people to DadScribe since its inception (search term/number of visitors):
|how to get lollipop out of hair||16|
|how to get a sucker out of hair||12|
|carter gaddis blog||12|
|how to get sucker out of hair||7|
|how to get a lollipop out of hair||6|
|remove lollipop from hair||6|
|lollipop stuck in hair||4|
|sound retirement plan||3|
|how to get a sucker out of your hair||3|
As of today, I officially would like to relinquish my position as the world’s foremost authority on removing a lollipop from a crying’s child’s hair. I apologize for the confusion, and I vow never again to make anyone think I know anything about removing a lollipop from a crying child’s hair, just because I wrote a satirical blog entry about removing a lollipop from a crying child’s hair.
Instead, I am now proclaiming myself the world’s foremost expert on the redundant use of apparently innocuous search terms.